I have been asking myself lately one of those existential questions that many people ask at some point in their lives:
"Why am I here?".
Now, I have asked this question many times before in different fashions. Questions like; "Why am I in Japan?" , "Why am I a teacher?", or "Why am I with this idiot?". But today I have been asking with the depth of mind that would lead me to understand what my purpose is in this life. I suppose that we, as people, are all searching for those answers or at the very least are searching for something that validates who we are. The real quandary then becomes what am I searching for? When looked at this way, we all have been suffering from existential crisis since birth. As life advances, and experience sets in, so does the search, and the complexity of self with it. It becomes a "medieval mess" as Merlin would say, and can seem virtually impossible to figure out. I have always believed that the answers lie within us all, and that as we grow, the path is illuminated by an innate sense of direction.
I have come to find that people will go to great lengths to either discover or avoid the answer. And that some, unknowingly, simply navigate life by their own personal compass, and stumble upon the answers. The wonderful thing about displacing yourself is the people that you meet. Sometimes, in order to hear someone else's message you must absolve your own haven to let others in. When you leave that cozy and secure place, you have a better chance of encountering the like. When you are surrounded by others who have also left in search of those answers, whether blindly or by personal conviction, you may find something synonymous in spirit.
I have begun to question the question. "What are we searching for and why?" and "How do we find it?". I think of my own situation. If I had come to Japan 10 years ago I would have stayed to make a life here. Why? Because 10 years ago I was running from something: Myself. I was searching for that answer diligently, lost in my own translation. I had been transient for most of my life; running, moving, aspiring to be a better me. My entire life had led up to now: being here in Japan. This was supposed to be my ultimate escape. It wasn't until this Houdini pulled the rabbit out of the hat that I became conscious of the trick. I wasn't running anymore. When did I stop running? It was in this revelation that I discovered the answer.
Sitting in the courtyard of one of the favorite watering holes in Aomori, one will see an interesting conglomerate. Lots of Japanese people and a decent size group of gajin (foreigners). What I love most about this is that each person in this group has been cast into a league of players without a coherent script. Totally random people from all over the world, all with different beliefs and motives, who would probably never know each other otherwise. And so naturally, what do you think I ask? "Why are we all here?". As I was talking with a new friend, I proposed my question. He explained how he loved it here, he had intentions of visiting other countries, some he had, but here, in Aomori, he had a home. His native land was not his home; it was here in Japan. As we continued on in our discussion, he concluded that it wasn't so much the country or the culture that made Japan a home, but what he had found here in his heart.
Ah yes, it's true Dorothy, there really is no place like home...
And then it hit me. In his case, like many others, he was running from something too. He had visited many other countries, seeking, searching for home. The entire time uncovering a little bit more of self. In this exploration we call life, there are pieces of our soul, that although we are born with in entirety, fragment into the ether. It is our purpose to put them back together again. I liken this to J.K. Rowling and the tale of Harry Potter. In the books, Harry's nemesis Voldemort, places seven parts of his soul into seven horcruxes. Each horcrux is an object that is linked to Voldemort; a locket, a diary... but one horcrux is reflected in Harry's soul. To destroy Voldemort, Harry must destroy each part of Volsemort's soul. Now clearly, the idea is for good to overcome evil here, but what I see is, in order for Voldemort to become a whole man again, he must replace all seven parts of his soul. I believe it is the same for us. I am not suggesting that we are all inherently evil, to the contrary. I believe that we are all inherently good, and that is why we have the power to ask ourselves "Why are we here?" and the ability to go out and find it. We place fragments of our soul in horcruxes as well. For me, and my friends that are sharing this journey, I believe that we have all placed a horcrux in Japan. There is a piece of our soul waiting to be rediscovered and reintegrated into our being. What that piece represents can only be answered by us. I also believe that we have placed fragments of our souls elsewhere; be it other countries, or other people. My friend so happened to find a horcrux here in Japan in others, and that has made this home. I, on the other hand, had placed a horcrux in America, not the country, but the love I have found there in others. We are all in search of the horcrux that represents home, and some of us have placed it off in distant lands, while others never let it get that far away, but either way, when seeking it out, we all must have a sense of adventure. Home, is where the heart is.
I ran all the way to Japan to discover that I wasn't running anymore. I stopped running when I found my horcrux a long time ago, and my quest for the next one reminded me of it.
