I like to keep up with my friends blogs that are also here in Japan. I find it interesting to learn about how they are experiencing their Japan. But recently, while I was reading one in particular, I connected to what he was feeling and became more aware of the scrutiny one gets when making a move such as this.
In the first two weeks or so that I was here, everyone (well, mostly everyone) was very understanding and supportive of my transition. I heard kind words such as "Its normal that you miss home", "This sounds very difficult", or "It can be painful."
After a while though, people expect you to just...adjust. What if you never "adjust"?
Then the conversations begins to turn another way.
"You'll stop missing home", "Really? You are still feeling sad?", or "It will be great".
And those are the polite comments. You may also get: "What is the matter with you, you're in frickin Japan!" or "Why did you bother going then". And these comments come from all social facets; family, friends, fellow people living abroad...
I think what I have found, and what I had written about in a previous entry, is that many people move abroad because "home" was not "home". Some come because they are running away from feelings or are seeking out something greater. Some are a combination of those things. The source of your journey is relative to where you are personally in life, and so that dictates the level of adjustment you feel. Clearly, not everyone is the same.
What begins to happen is, some of the people who have adapted and integrated Japan as a part of "home", cant really understand why it is so difficult for you not to. Some of the people that you spent months back home boasting to about moving to Japan, cant understand why you aren't climbing Mount Fuji and eating weird things everyday. And some of your family and friends just don't know what to say because they miss you too.
It becomes so difficult to explain how you feel. It becomes so hard to get anyone to understand. And the truth is, no one really will. They are not you.
But I think for me, when reading my friends blog, it was the first person that was connecting to the same words in my heart and head. It is not that we are not happy or excited to be here. Yes, it will get better, Yes, we will do cool things, Yes, we are grateful for this experience, But also, Yes, we are excited to return home to our loving families and friends, and Yes, we will never fully adjust to living here, not because it is so culturally different, but because this isn't our home. We already made one in the hearts of our loved ones, and for us, they are not in Japan. It can be hurtful to hear condescending remarks like "Oh, it will be great, just relax, I know" or patronizing ones like "Your okay". It makes us feel as though there is something wrong with us for feeling this way because we aren't doing a dance everyday that we are here. Something happens when you move to a foreign country: Life. You encounter the same routines as home. Go to work everyday, go shopping, cook dinner, clean your house, have drinks with friends.... You don't just wake up in the morning and start doing Calligraphy or Ken do. (Well, I suppose some people do...) And those are the differences... If everyday you are climbing Mount Fuji, learning calligraphy, and practicing Ken do, your probably on vacation, and you will going home in a short time. It seems though, that to truly immerse in another culture, you must move through the doldrums just like anyone else, and just like home, you take vacation to climb Mount Fuji, sign up for a calligraphy class on Thursdays after work, and compete in Ken do matches on the weekend. The only difference for us is proximity, and yeah, I know, make the most of it while I can. Well, I have to say, it is not that easy, especially, if like some of my friends here, you are placed in the middle of nowhere in a house all alone with no hot water. Taking classes and climbing mountains takes connections, knowing where and when those things are available, if at all to foreigners, and money, a car, gas, the ability to understand where the hell you are going. Its real life.
But one thing is true; it is exciting. It is challenging. These are reasons that everyone who moves abroad share. And perhaps, for someone like me, those are the reasons that make me quietly excited to be here, grateful for this opportunity, and blessed that I can climb Mount Fuji just a few hours away.
But please, understand that people like my friend and myself are thankful for our position, we want to make the most out of this opportunity, and always handle our feelings in an optimistic way. Just because we miss our families, just because we haven't climbed Mount Fuji yet, or just because we may wake up in tears some mornings, doesn't mean that there is something wrong with us.
For friends and family back home: The solid foundation of love that you have given us, and continue to give us, is the greatest source of strength.
For new friends: Just your presence and kindness is enough to help us through any of our bad days.
I am sure that in the near future we will have tantalizing stories of how we traveled through foreign lands or ate cod sperm, but for now, we are just learning how to live in our own way.
