Is this the beginning stages of culture shock? Now don't answer that. I'm gonna figure this one out on my own...
What has been occurring to me lately, is the recognition of the uncanny ability that we humans have, when dealing with that big, bad word: Flexibility. Sure, sure, some of us are extremely adaptable, I for one, pride myself on roughly twenty-four moves in my life time (whoops, make that twenty-five!). But here is what has begun to haunt me, linger in my thoughts and makes me question my idea of comfort.
I consider myself to be a Lady. What do I mean by that? At the risk of sounding geeky, when I hear the term lady or gentleman, I always think of a quote from the movie Blast from the past with Brendan Frasier (Hey, a good quote is a good quote no matter where the source). In the movie, Dave Foley is explaining why Bredan Fraiser is so affable and polite. He points out the characters definition of a gentleman or lady as "...someone who always tries to make sure the people around him or her are as comfortable as possible."
Bingo.
In total agreement, I believe that we, as human beings, should be dedicated to the idea that we are all diplomats, perhaps not of a cause outside of our own, but a diplomat of self. We should all consider at the very least the level of comfort other people feel in our presence and act accordingly, within healthy self-preservational limits, of course. I believe that we share some small amount of moral responsibility to one another, and particularly in our own communities and families, we should at times be willing to "bend", in order to aid in someone else's comfort.
So does the rest of Japan.
When I first arrived I found that most everyone was willing to help me. There were people that, I didn't have a clue who they were, and here they are, moving a 60 lb. box of sweaters up three floors. Office staff were connecting my utilities, calling banks, hooking up a cell phone, without ever being able to talk about their hobbies with me, show me pictures of their kids, or find some common ground to like me on. It was quite nice. Not the feeling of being helpless, no that I didn't enjoy, but the feeling of other people going on good faith to increase my level of comfort. Real ladies and gentleman.
What this generosity actually is, is a nationally breed Good Samaritan tradition. Everyone here is raised to invest in the greater good. To share and share alike. To bend until you break if it means you are making someone else comfortable. And this goes across the board in homes, offices, schools, konbini (convenient stores)... Seriously, the Japanese have a wonderful way of making you feel like the Queen of England just for buying a pack of smokes and a hot dog.
But having said all of this, and after two weeks of kindness, someone such as myself, a lady of course, begins to feel like a burden instead of a new guest. I find that part of the eagerness to be accommodating for the Japanese is part of their job. It is expected of them to go out of their way, and through centuries of tradition, doing this is supposed to be a great honor. I respect that. But what I do not believe is that deep down inside the guy who carried my ridiculously heavy box up the stairs isn't cursing me out. I refuse to buy that it was a pleasurable experience for him, and for all of the coddling that newbies like me need in a foreign country, at some point people have to say "THIS SUCKS".
Have we got to the culture shock yet, No, but here it comes...
So all of this I can respect; the running around, holding my hand, renegotiating, carrying heavy things...but what I don't understand is the retroversion of this ideal. When I am successful at handling daily life, I am able to accomplish small tasks on my own, then I feel that it should be my turn to make things comfortable for others, by not having people go out of their way. If this shoe were on the other foot, I would be thankful when someone who I have been helping can finally handle things and ceases to inconvenience me any longer. So I am having a hard time comprehending why when I suggest an alternative to an issue in which I would be able to be self-sufficient, it is basically rude. Huh? I feel like I am being polite and respectful. And apparently, for all of you who want to comment on and answer this entry, I know; that is how it is in Japan.
I suppose that a portion of this necessity to continue doing everything against personal comfort is also a formality. Everything in Japan has a formality; paperwork, pre-arranged pre- arrangements, notifying every last person of an intention or decision... So to some extent it must be a bigger pain in the ass to change what has already been decided. Wheres the flexibility?
In the very least, we can be mutually uncomfortable in trying to make each other comfortable.
What?
At the risk of sounding like someone who is entering stage 2 of culture shock; it frustrates me.
Culture shock is drilled into your brain here...
Culture shock is inevitable.
Culture shock is experienced in 4 steps.
Blech. Basically, step 1 is the honeymoon stage, step 2 is the "I hate this frickin place", step 3 is depression, and step 4 is the equilibrium. I never really experienced or will probably find step 1. Im not the overly elated type. I really don't think I will hit stage 2 either, only because I anticipated the backward bullshit of daily life, and hell, there is plenty of things that I hate, I don't need to discriminate. As for step 3, I don't want to talk about it. But what I am thinking is that the idea of culture shock, which I thought was going to be something I just ricocheted around, could be happening to me right now, I just don't even know it . Or, is it just my random perception of things? Regardless, it amazes me just how many ways there are to feel uncomfortable. People, no matter how easy going you are, all have a delicate and distinct mix of multidimensional events that make them feel totally at ease.
The civility game that is being played between myself and Japan is touching on one of the peculiar and precise components that attributes to my comfort. Culture shock? I guess you can call it whatever you want.
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